When I was sixteen years old, I was plagued by a morbid and twisted imagination. Once an idea came into my head, especially if that idea was disturbing, grotesque, or horrifying, I would hold on to it and recycle it endlessly, often for many hours a day, for months at a time, from the moment I woke in the morning, to the moment I finally, and often tearfully, fell asleep. Since my father was quite ill during my teen years, and since our entire family often worried about whether or not he would survive, one of the things I often obsessed about was death and dying. Like Max, I convinced myself that I was suffering from an imaginary illness that would eventually kill me. Rather than facing my own sadness and fear, I slipped into a world of strange worries and horrible images that I could not seem to chase from my mind no matter how hard I tried. Much later in life, I would learn that what was happening to me when I was sixteen years old was a result of a psychological condition called Obsessive Compulsive Disorder which often makes it very difficult for people to stop thinking about the very things that frighten them most. I wish I had known there was a name for what my mind was doing when I was sixteen. Maybe if I had known there was a name for it, I would have found the help I needed much sooner. The story Ready To Fall comes from a desire to express how it feels to be baffled by sadness, and for this reason, I hope the book will appeal to any person who has ever suffered a loss or worried over a family member who is ill. At its core, even though the book begins with mental illness and grief, Ready To Fall is not actually a story about sadness. Rather, it is a story about community, family, friendship, and ultimately redemption. The book does not allow itself to wallow in self-pity. It is hilarious, edgy, and filled with heart. Ready To Fall expresses what I believe most deeply, which is that it is through our connections with other people that we can finally begin to heal. The central metaphor of the book is also the inspiration for both the title and the book cover. “Ready to Fall” is a line that some actors speak right before a trust fall when they let go of their fears and lean backwards into the possibility of nothingness, finally and triumphantly trusting that those who love us are still there waiting, even when we grieve, even when we feel lost in our own twisted thinking, and if we are lucky, they will be ready to catch us and keep us safe when we fall.

Ready to Fall by Marcella Pixley

When Max Friedman’s mother dies of cancer, instead of facing his loss, Max imagines that her tumor has taken up residence in his brain. It's a terrible tenant—isolating him from family, distracting him in school, and taunting him mercilessly about his manhood. With the tumor in charge, Max implodes, slipping farther and farther away from reality. Finally, Max is sent to the artsy, off-beat Baldwin School to regain his footing. He joins a group of theater misfits in a steam-punk production of Hamlet where he becomes friends with Fish, a girl with pink hair and a troubled past, and The Monk, an edgy upperclassman who refuses to let go of the things he loves. For a while, Max almost feels happy. But his tumor is always lurking in the wings—until one night it knocks him down and Max is forced to face the truth, not just about the tumor, but about how hard it is to let go of the past. At turns lyrical, haunting, and triumphant, Ready to Fall is a story of grief, love, rebellion and starting fresh from acclaimed author Marcella Pixley. Start reading now.